Be Honest with your Man

You gotta be honest with your man. I just keep thinking this over and over again. Husbands and wives can have no secrets between each other aside from the birthday surprise. I know this is open to all sorts of debate and you can probably think of some things better left unsaid, and you are right, there are some things that don't play into the equation. They are mostly things that happened long before you met your man and God has brought you healing and so it is history; but the things of today need to be spoken. We need to trust our husbands with our hearts and so we need to share.

I don't usually talk relationships but tonight I can't help it because I have been noticing something in the patriarchs that was a destructive streak found in all three of the big marriages... deception. Abraham had the big deception with telling folks Sarah was his sister, true, but she was also his wife. That was a deception they were both in on. The lies continue down the family line and it leads to struggle and dysfunction within the family, not just with outsiders. I am thinking specifically of Isaac and Rebekah, and Jacob and Rachel.

Isaac and Rebekah had a beautiful courtship. It was a dream come true where Isaac's Dad's servant, after his long journey finds a well with the beautiful Rebekah about to water her sheep. She offers to water the servant's camels and the rest is history. The servant took her with him back to Abraham's house. When the love birds saw each other from across the field it was love at first sight. Isaac was so happy. They struggled to conceive a baby and then after 20 years God gave them a double portion, twins. They wrestled in her womb and God spoke to Rebekah that the younger would be the one to whom the blessing of Abraham would pass. Here is the part I don't understand. As far as we know, she never told Isaac. You would think that if God speaks to you about something you would tell your husband. Instead, she managed a ruse in which the younger son, Jacob would deceive Isaac into thinking he was the older in order to get the blessing of the first born. The deception led to division in the family and to Rebekah having to say goodbye to her beloved Jacob. She would be dead before he returned from the trip he had to take in order to not be killed by his brother.

Jacob and Rachel had a similar meeting. It was again by a well, perhaps a symbol of God's blessing, that they met and fell in love instantly. Jacob smooched her right there and then. He knew God had given him his beloved bride. They were in love and married. There were all kinds of problems that deception had brought to their marriage, the fact that he had accidentally married Leah, Rachel's sister not being the least of their problems. The thing is that they were close. Jacob loved Rachel and yet she did not trust him. When it came time for Jacob to take his family away from Rachel's father's house she stole Pop's household gods. Laban came after his little idols and Jacob exclaimed that if he found them in Jacob's household whoever had them would die. Laban didn't find them because Rachel was sitting on them with the excuse that she was on her period. Most guys run when you mention the flow, but even more so Laban would not have thought Rachel would defile his trinkets by sitting on them at such a time. Rachel had not told Jacob about her idols. She hid them from her husband and it would not be long before she would die in childbirth. Perhaps her death was God fulfilling the oath that Jacob had made concerning the lost idols. I don't really know for sure, but I do know that Rachel should have been honest with her husband. She should have confessed her sin and asked for mercy, guidance, absolution. She should have trusted him.

I know that when Jeff and I first married I was often tempted to not share my feelings with him. It was almost like there was a voice inside my head saying “don't share, don't open up, hide yourself”. Talk about a destructive path that would have led me and Jeff on in our marriage. I sucked up my fear and pride and shared my heart anyway. I found that in sharing myself with Jeff I let him in my heart. As Jeff is always saying to me “Judy, I am on your side”. He is. Jeff is for me. He isn't perfect and I am not always the easiest person in the world to understand, but it is worth the struggle to be understood. It is worth the discomfort of admitting to failure or to confusion. If you are struggling with something in your marriage or about yourself, your husband needs to be in on the struggle. I often feel like I should be so much better than I am. I feel like I fall short of my expectations so often. Jeff notices my ups and downs. He encourages me and reminds me of Jesus.

I wish I could say this with a louder voice, Don't hide from your husband! Don't let your heart be sick on the inside and look perfect on the outside. Let him in on your insecurities and frustrations. Tell him when God speaks to you! Don't be Rebekah and try to bring about the will of God through deception. Trust God, and trust the man that God has given you to be true to you. Let God's grace, mercy and deep love be the foundation of intimacy in your marriage. I tell you what, if I told you half the things that I tell my husband then you would all think I am nuts. I may be, but my husband knows it, and he smiles, or instructs, or stays quiet to listen. Take that bold step today and practice. Tell your husband what you are rejoicing in, tell him where you are struggling. Stand together at the foot of cross and seek Jesus for His heart and His compassion, and His healing. I love it when my husband just washes over me in prayer. How could he, if I didn't let him in?