A Task Bigger than me

I am about to embark on a journey that I know will be difficult. I have a sense that God is leading me to do something that will take years, tears, time, energy, creativity, and a willingness to lay it all down for the sake of Jesus.  I began writing a few days ago, my broken hearted story as Ann Voskamp challenged us to write.  When she first stood up there at the Allume Conference for blogging Jesus loving women and urged us to write out of the integrity of our own lives, out of the depth of our own story I felt a little disconnected and challenged. I was disconnected because I have never considered my story to be one of a broken heart (denial) and I was challenged to think that God might be wanting me to reveal a little more of myself in the writing of devotions. I have always wanted God to be the center of attention so not including much of myself was a very safe way to go about teaching God's Word.  I see Ann's point; I need to reveal what God has done in me, so that perhaps in the telling I will see His hand more clearly, and you will catch a glimpse of glory in the miracles that God is doing in my messy journey.

What is funny is that 20 years ago, when I was just a kid at 19 and living in the inner-city of Philadelphia, sleeping in a church basement with mice nibbling the food stores on the corner of our great room,  Bart Campolo said something that offended me no end. He said, "God takes messed up people to do mighty things".  I did not see myself as a messed up person. I saw myself as one of God's finest willing to spend a summer serving inner city kids meals and the gospel in the heat and stench of the streets where garbage workers would go on strike and leave piles of bags to pollute the neighborhood.  I was a discipler of women and teens. I was a leader of Bible Studies and a volunteer youth minister.  I was sleeping on a floor for Jesus, and there were bugs!  I was not a messed up person, I was a Super Jesus person...

With years the truth set in and I began to realize that indeed, in order to be used greatly by God you must be broken greatly by God, in order for a seed to become a plant and bear fruit, it must fall to the ground and die.  I am seeing more and more that I do have a story to tell.  I will tell God's story and how it is unveiled in my life.  I appreciate your prayers as I start the long journey of writing this book.