A Crisis of Faith

I remember being in High School and we would go off on a youth group trip and get all excited about Jesus. We would ski all day in the Swiss Alps (jealous?) and then at night was the big show.  A dynamic Young Life leader would stand in front of us and systematically, and often with great humour present to us the gospel.   We would laugh and cry and hug and sing the silly "One Tin Soldier" song that for some reason we all sang back then.  It was a Spiritual high.  After Club we would go back to our rooms to meet in a small group for cabin time. It was an opportunity to discuss the gospel, wrestle with it a little and pray to God that teens would meet with Him and want Him.  

I became a youth minister and then went on staff with Club Beyond (Young Life for military teens) in Germany.  I sat through many cabin times and have talked with many teens about the gospel.  I went on mission trips and witnessed youth get all fired up for Jesus and then return home.  Some how between the bus steps and their first day back to school, back to reality, they had forgotten the taste of Jesus.  I did see many youth follow Jesus through the years, and I have seen others who were enticed by the world around them.  Why is it that when the trial comes, we forget our God?

I was reading in the gospel of John the other day and noticed something about the Baptizer.  When he first saw Jesus he proclaimed him to be the "Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!" (John 1: 29).  He saw the Holy Spirit descend upon Jesus in the miracle of Jesus' baptism. John confessed Jesus to be the Son of God (Jn. 1:34).  So why is it that not long after this great confession and supernatural moment with Jesus did John have doubts?  In Matthew 11:2 we see John sends his friends to Jesus to ask if he is really the Messiah or should they keep looking.  John's circumstances changed drastically, he was in jail and would soon lose his head to Herod's axe.  In the midst of the trial John began to question.  Was it all real? Is Jesus the one?  I love the response Jesus gave to John's disciples. He said 

 “Go back to John and tell him what you have heard and seen— ⁵ the blind see, the lame walk, the lepers are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised to life, and the Good News is being preached to the poor. ⁶ And tell him, ‘God blesses those who do not turn away because of me.^[b] 

 ^{When doubts begin to sink into your mind and all the things you thought you once knew about Jesus seem to come to question, take your question to Jesus.  He can handle your wayward heart in even the most difficult circumstances. Jesus met John with love and grace. He was not angry or disappointed in John because of the questioning. Jesus reminded John of what He was doing. He encouraged John that the blind had sight, the lame man is walking.  When you begin to lose hope, ask Jesus to show you what He is doing. Ask Him to remind you of His hand.}  

^{Today a friend of mine, Karen Burke had a divine encounter with a homeless woman she has been trying to reach with the gospel.  She just so happened to come upon Panera Bread at the exact moment this young woman was walking by. My friend just so happened to have a blanket, pillow, and extra clothes in the car for this same woman. Imagine the love of God to position Karen in the right spot in our city to bless a woman whom He dearly loves and desperately needs Him.  Are you wondering, is Jesus real? Is the Jesus I ran into as a youth still working miracles today?  Ask Him to show you.  Jesus is moving.  He will meet you in the midst of your faith crisis.  Invite him to show you Himself.} 

The Real Issue

Sweet friends,  yesterday I was driving in my van and figured I had better start really praying for the election.  I began praying for a certain candidate to win and immediately felt like God changed my direction. Instead of praying for a man to become president, I began praying that God's will would be done in our country.  It is finally sinking into my well trained American brain that true success in life is not financial prosperity. I know there is a recession and folks are out of work and you may feel it is the fault of a certain political group, but what if it is an act of Grace from a God who wants our hearts?  He asks us for our wayward hearts that have been distracted and lulled to submission by money.  What if God is saying to us that we are not to trust in the almighty dollar, but instead to "In God We Trust".  That is a catchy saying isn't it?  "In God We Trust".  

Don't get yourself all worked up by election results today.  Don't allow yourself to believe that a man can change the destiny of a country. Remember it is God who raises up leaders and nations, and it is God who lets them fall when they forget about Him.  Everyone is saying that the real issue in this election is the economy.  Perhaps the real issue is a nation of people who God dearly loves and He is jealous for our hearts and he wants us to come home to him.  I am saying... yes Lord, do whatever it takes to bring us home to you.  Rock our little safe places, ruffle our well groomed feathers, and break our impenetrable hearts.  Remind us that you are our only hope.  Remind us that you are life abundant.

My prayer for today:
Lord,  let your church today communicate life and grace and love to our lost neighbours. Protect us from hostility with those with whom we are not in agreement, especially in the church.  Let your bride today keep her focus on You, knowing that no matter what happens in our country, you are on your throne. You are surrounded by your holy angels and the 4 living beings and day after day they cry out to you that you are holy, holy, holy.  Let our consolation be in you today Lord. Let our peace and hope be in you.  Lord,  let your will be done in our election. 

Thank you that we live in a country where we are allowed to vote for our leaders. Let the church take the call to vote seriously and let us prayerfully enter the polling places. Lord, let us follow your heart in all things.   And Lord, at the end of the day, let your name be lifted high in our country.  Let there be a true revival of the church in our continent, and let their be a great awakening of people to faith in Jesus Christ.  Lord, more than health care reform and more than welfare reform and funding for the military (which pays my man's salary) I want you to be lifted up in our country.  I want you to draw all men to yourself.  

How about it church, what if instead of focussing on the "issues" we remember the true issue. We belong to Jesus and He is asking us to love Him and love others in His name.  There are people who are lost and broken, and we get to share the supernatural love of God with them.  

Believing Who I really am

I have a confession to make:  I know what it is like to struggle with the same things over and over again.  I find myself falling back into sarcasm when I get tired or disillusioned. It frustrates me. I would love for all of my words to be a blessing and bring hope to people. Sometimes I fear they are daggers.  What if I lived my life in shame that I blew it with my words again?  What if instead of remembering who I am in Christ I beat myself up and walked around defeated?  Tonight I lay down my words and I ask God to redeem them. I ask Him to remind me of my true identity and let me walk intimately with Him as His daughter.  I thank God for forgiveness that washes over even me, and for the grace extended to me through my brothers and sisters in Christ.

Sweet friend,  don't let those areas of life in which you struggle define you.  I am just burdened for you.  I fear you are walking around carrying a label that you are a disappointment, a failure, a waste, an alcoholic, an overeater, a bad parent, too shy, too "in your face", too broken. You know what your struggle is and the demeaning things you have spoken about yourself in the quiet of your heart.  

How about right now in grace and bravery and with confidence in God you laid down those lies you are believing about yourself and you accept the truth of what God is saying about you.  I wonder what we would look like if we just believed we are who the scriptures say that we are, who God says we are.  Here are a just a few of the bold statements God breathed.

^{1 Corinthians16} Don’t you realize that all of you together are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God lives in you?

^{2 Corinthians 5:17} This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!

 ^{Gal 3:26} For you are all children of God through faith in Christ Jesus.

^{Ephesians 2:6} For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus. 

 ^{1 John 5:18} We know that God’s children do not make a practice of sinning, for God’s Son holds them securely, and the evil one cannot touch them.

 

Let that sink into your heart.  You are a temple of God.  God lives in you. He chose to make you a dwelling place. His presence in you assures you of your beauty.  You belong to Christ. You are made new, no longer caught up in the never ending struggle of sin and death. You have been given new life in Christ. You have the mind of Christ and God is working in you to both will and act according to His good purpose (Phil 2:13).  You are securely held by the Son of God. Jesus himself, holds you.  

Sweet friend, God adores you.  Ask Him today what His name is for you.  Take a quiet moment and ask your heavenly Daddy what He likes to call you.  I just got tickled because I stopped to ask and the words that made me grin ear to ear were "my beloved".  Oh to be called my beloved by my God.  

What is God calling you today?

*All verses in NLT

Redeeming Thoughts

My heart is full of a desire to bless you with this post. I want to speak a truth to you that will remind you that you are free.  I know that Satan has messed with your head. I know that he has spoken lies over you and you may be believing them in this very moment.  You may feel like you are stuck in this same revolving door of sin and you will never get out. Your head may be filled with lustful thoughts, violence, jealousy.  How could a good Christian have such ugly thoughts?   

I f you are thinking things that are contrary to what you know to be true, they may not be your thoughts at all.  The cat is out of bag--- the enemy of your soul may be speaking into your sweet redeemed head and you are confusing his voice with your own.  

^{I Peter 5: 6} So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. ⁷ Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.

⁸ Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. ⁹ Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith." NLT

I have struggled with my head, dear friend.  Insecurity, fear, and shame have all tried to make themselves at home.  If I start believing these thoughts are mine and that they are apart of me, they take more space and I find myself in a constant struggle.  When I stop to realize that the enemy is speaking lies, I can claim the victory that is mine in Christ. 

Satan wants to devour you, but you do not have to let him.  Stand firm in Jesus.  It is as simple as doing a James 4:7 " So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."(NLT)  Claim the promise of victory right now.  Say to Jesus, "I submit my mind to you, and say to Satan-- you must leave in Jesus' name."  

Take back your thoughts and lay them at the feet of Jesus.  If you find your mind is continually stuck in the dump, get a brother or sister to pray with you.  

If you have a story, take a moment to comment on this post and share how Jesus has transformed your mind.  Your victory will encourage others... and me :)  

The long Road

I wrote about keeping my eyes fixed on Jesus and so for the past 2 days I have been totally preoccupied with myself.  My poor husband can only pray and try to do silly dances to help me to remember that God is good and I can rejoice.  He is right, God is good and I can rejoice. I am glad that I went through 18 or so hours of wondering what in the world I am doing with this blog and should I be writing anyway. I wrestled with my purpose and my definition of success in blogging and I can only figure on one thing:  Jesus.  I need to write because the passion of God is welling up inside of me and I have to let it out. I need to write to feel the smile of God.  

In Acts, I noticed our friend Paul did a curious thing. His friends took a boat to their next destination, but Paul walked. He walked the 20 or so long hard miles so he could be alone and hear from Jesus. He needed resolve. He needed the determination that comes from the conviction that Jesus is leading and I must follow.  At the end of his walk he talked about having an ur gency to go on to Jerusalem, even though the Holy Spirit made it clear to him that he would be imprisoned.  He met godly believers who God used to remind him that he would be in chains, bound for the sake of Christ. He went anyway.  

God will ask us to walk a difficult road. He will lead us in places that cause us to question ourselves, our effectiveness, and ability. He will lead us into hard places.  We must go anyway. We must follow anyway.  We must listen to Jesus calling, spend time in His Word, and we must obey.  This weekend Ann Voskamp prayed over me, that God would keep my ear close to His Word and that He would bless me as I live my life broken and poured out.  I needed that prayer.  I need to be close to Jesus.  When I forget Jesus, I forget everything that matters.  

Sweet friends, let's walk that quiet road with Jesus each day so that we have the strength and resolve to keep walking when doubts rise.

It's about Jesus

Much of my emotional energy is spent thinking about me, and about you. It is not a bad thing to consider myself and to allow myself the freedom to really know me.  It is a blessing to know you, and to see your beauty and to hear your heartbeat.  I want to know and be known.  Today, however,  feels like a special day. I just returned from the Allume bloggers conference where God stirred in me a desire to really disciple women through my blog. I long for the words I share and the way I share them to be an encouragement as you walk with Jesus, or even as you consider what it would mean for you to begin to walk with Jesus.  I have been wrestling about what God desires for this blog and this sacred space and so in this moment I want to lay down my wrestling heart.  I lay down my mind filled with the ideas of women who have gone before me and have been used mightily by God to bring blessing to readers.  I lay down this moment and  I set it apart as holy.  

Instead of thinking about my dreams and hopes and aspirations, I want to ponder Jesus. I want to take a moment in the holiness of this still Sunday afternoon and ask the question, "Jesus, what are your dreams?  What is on your heart today? What is it that you are passionate about in this hour?"  I want to stop to know Jesus in the way I stop to drink coffee with a friend and in the sipping and sharing she opens her heart and her mind and reveals beauty, and joy, and a deep longing.  I need to know Jesus.  I need a quiet moment with my Saviour.  

Years ago in a flurry of writing and inspiration this poem, based on the "I am" statements Jesus breathed in the Gospel of John,  took shape.  I'm going to spend some time with it and let God speak to me once again. 


The Word Made Flesh

Alive, In touch

The Word Made Flesh

Among us,Now in Us

The Messiah, Salvation

Rescue from sin

Messiah, Salvation

Our peace deep within

The Light of the World

Exposing the darkness

Light of the World

Revealing God

Bread of Life,

Satisfaction,Fulfilment

Bread of Life

Delicious and sweet

Bread of Life to meet every need

The Gate

To the kingdom of God

The Gate

Beauty adorned

Heavenly desire is born

The Good Shepherd

Strength and provision

The Good Shepherd

Nurture with vision

The Resurrection and Life

An empty grave

Death is defeated

The Resurrection and the Life

Eternity conceived

For those who believe

The Way

Unique, Only

Narrow and few

The Way

Fellowship with God

For those who would choose

The Truth

Nothing False

Complete and whole

The Truth

Word of God

Light to the soul

The Life

Abundant

Joy, freedom, and grace

The Life

Shout out, Worship,

Run with me in this race

I AM

I AM

I AM

Sweet Jesus, let me enjoy you in every moment. Let me consider you, not only in your relationship to me, and how knowing you benefits me, but let me just love you.  Fill my mind with images of you stooping to heal a woman in her bleeding, speaking to the wind and commanding it to be still, shouting "come forth" and the dead man walks. Fill my mind with images of you opening a door to salvation for a 15 year old girl sitting on an Italian beach, me with a handfull of sand, telling her this is how much God loves you.  Fill me with thoughts of those miraculous moments when you showed up in the lives of the hurting and broken and you brought redemption.  Lord, let me remember you as the Way, The truth and The Life today.  Let me know you as the resurrection.  Let me feast on you as the bread and the cup.  Let me be filled with you.  You are the longing of my heart.  You are the gift my words extend.  

Where are you Planted?

 I had a dream that I would be able to wash dishes at my kitchen sink and look out on the beautiful gardenia that freely offered her summertime fragrance to the wind and delighted my eyes with her rose like blossoms. I was so looking forward to the hours spent at my sink gazing on the beautiful tiny garden that my window overlooks.  It was all coming true... for a few weeks.  The blossoms were promising, the arroma enchanting and then the yellowing of the leaves began.  It was only a few leaves and I thought these twin beauties might just make it, and then more yellowing and the top leaves dropping, blossoms wasting away.  My dream of a gardenia in my kitchen garden died, along with the sweet aroma now just a faint memory.  It makes you wonder, what is the deal? Why didn't it make it? Why was that well watered and fertilized plant not responding to our love and care?  I have no idea... none. I knew gardenia were difficult to grow this far North. I knew they were finicky little plants, but we gave it a shot.

It made me wonder, if we had planted her in a different location, would she have done well? There is a possibility that the bed she was in was too wet, maybe it drowned out her poor little roots, just trying to breathe in all that water.  The geraniums that were planted alongside them did fine and are still flowering. Maybe they don't like geraniums, some sort of allergy, I don't know.  Is there something to being planted in the right spot? Is there something to being in the right place that unlocks your potential?  The little gardenia in that picture above was supposed to be beautiful. I saw the picture on the tag, breathtaking, I saw her when we first put her in, amazing.  We planted her and she died.  All that potential blessing that she was to offer to the world snuffed out in a lousy flowerbed. 

It make me wonder what sort of environment I need to reach my potential. Do I need to be in a mega-church so that I will have more opportunity to teach more women?  Do I need Zack to be in the best preschool to unlock his inner-genius? Do I need more people to read my blog and that will encourage me to write better, more often, with greater passion?  Would I make sure to use better grammar (I just lit up the grammar check with several non-sentences, don't worry, I fixed it).  Is there a list of what ifs that you think if this one thing were to change for me then I would be more fruitful? I would have that unlocked potential. I would be blossoming and everyone around would appreciate me?

Hmmmm... That makes me think of these trees.  They are the bristol cone pines found in the Eastern Sierras near Bishop, Ca.  Jeff and I went there in September. These trees are nearly 4000 years old.  Yes, 4000 years they have been growing in the most hostile environment imaginable. They are in the desert at around 10,000 feet elevation. There is nothing else up there but some tumble weed looking stuff and these most peculiar, gnarly, beautiful trees. The picture below gives you an idea of what is up there, nothing really, just the pine.  Why is it that these trees grow and thrive in rocks and wind and crazy hot sun?  I don't know, honestly, it is just a miracle. They are in the worst place imaginable. They don't know about places where trees are spoiled with rain showers and sheltered from wind. They just grow where they are planted and they probably think they are just doing fine.... for 4,000 years, who can argue with them.

These trees remind me of places like China where the church is growing exponentially greater in number each day, but yet it is in a hostile environment.   Churches in China survive in secret from the government who would seek to shut them down, imprison their leaders, even bring them to martyrdom.  Our brothers and sisters are walking in great faith. God is present in their gatherings because they are desperate for him. They have no security outside of his great protection. They have no hope in anything else because they have nothing else to hope in.  The church is growing among persecution, in arid places.  We have brothers and sisters in the Muslim world walking out their potential and bearing fruit without the trappings of our Western Churches. They are doing it without top rate youth ministry programs and woman's groups (which are nice). They are coming to faith in God and there is not a Christian Life building that boasts aerobics classes, walking tracks and coffee bars (a coffee bar is one of Zack's priorities you will see).   The church grows when it is planted in God's word and is filled with His Spirit.

 Psalm 1:1-3 from the Message

1 How well God must like you—
    you don’t hang out at Sin Saloon,
    you don’t slink along Dead-End Road,
    you don’t go to Smart-Mouth College.

^2-3 Instead you thrill to God’s Word,
    you chew on Scripture day and night.
You’re a tree replanted in Eden,
    bearing fresh fruit every month,
Never dropping a leaf,
    always in blossom.

Dear friend, I know you are longing to be beautiful. I know you are longing to be the person you are meant to be, the one God designed for you to be.  You have so much potential. You have so much in you that is longing to be made known.  You want people to taste the fruit that you will offer.  You want them to see Jesus in you and to be a blessing and encouragement.  You want to do that thing that you feel like you were made to do.  Sweet friend,  don't chase a dream.  Don't think that if you plant yourself in a new church, or you go to the right classes or the right conferences you will be poised to bear that fruit.  God does use conferences, I am going to one on Thursday. He does use instruction, I earned a degree from a Christian College.  He uses the church to teach and instruct. My caution is do not see these things as the means to your end. Do not look at fulfilling your calling to be something accomplished by following a formula.   You want to bear fruit?  Delight in God's Words.  Delight in His church,and let them help you delight more in Jesus.  Enjoy His presence.  Be a stream planted by the rivers of God's love and grace.  Let the roots of your life reach deep into God.  Don't just chase a dream.  Chase Jesus.  Don't just position yourself for success, position yourself at the feet of your saviour.  You will bear fruit there, like a tree replanted in Eden, bearing fruit in season.  In the right season, you will bear fruit.  

I feel like I am writing this for my own sake tonight. Maybe I am. I love to speak God's word. I spoke at a small retreat last weekend for ladies I dearly love.  God has given me a gift to proclaim His word. I wonder why I don't get to do it more often. I feel his presence in a special way when I speak.  I do not know what sort of potential God has locked up in me.  I do know one thing, that if I stay in His Word and I follow him, I will not be like my little shrivelled gardenia, all her leaves and blossoms dead. I will be more like these vibrant zinnias planted in the sun of my front yard, calling butterflies to drink of their nectar.   God will move me to a place of greater fruitfulness, but it won't be because I was striving for greatness.  It will be because I was resting in His presence.  

Sweet Sister, God knows you want your life to be significant for His kingdom. He knows you want to reflect the beauty of Christ and the grace and power of His empty tomb.  It glorifies Him for you to bear fruit.  Delight in Him today, and you will be like that tree planted in Eden. You will bear fruit in season.

Or, you can just wait by the coffee pot to jumpstart your potential in the morning. That is what Zack does.